You wake up to the rising sun flooding through the floor-to-ceiling windows of your penthouse apartment. You haven’t heard an alarm clock in years. Indeed, you’ve forgotten what they even sound like. Your 8/10 half-Asian girlfriend is still asleep as you unlock your iPhone 20X and open the Coinbase app. Bitcoin went up another billion dollars last night. You’ve invested wisely in the Incel Economy over the last decade and decide to buy an island with your Bitcoin.
The prices of islands vary considerably depending on their size and location. Islands can be had for less than $100,000 in some parts of the world. Location is the most important thing to keep in mind when purchasing an island. I’d reckon you can get a rock off the coast of Finland for cheap, but you’re going to freeze to death. Likewise, an island in the Caribbean could let you live out your remaining years as Captain Jack Sparrow but you’ll probably get #rekt by a hurricane and lose everything.
Determine what size of island fits your needs. If you’re not planning on developing a resort, a few acres should suffice. If you’re planning on developing a nuclear-armed microstate, you should look for something a bit larger that can accommodate your ICBM silos.
Islands afford the discerning Bitcoin Billionaire a variety of different landscapes. There are jungle islands to host reenactments of The Most Dangerous Game and volcanic islands to perhaps start a primitive, polytheistic tribe of your own. In addition, consider what kind of beach you want. Soft, sandy beaches are good for recreation and relaxing, while rugged, rocky beaches are good for fending off pirate attacks.
Something important to keep in mind is how far away your island is from the mainland. You will likely need to import food and supplies in the beginning. Over time, your island can become self-sufficient. Solar panels are only going to get better in the future and I’m sure there are ways to desalinate seawater on a small scale. Remember you can always eat fish and coconuts for food in a pinch.
A small, private island among a larger island chain seems like it could be a good deal. Think about something off the coast of Greece or Japan. Here you can trade and barter with the locals, and have access to some form of medical treatment when you’re inevitably bitten by mosquitos. No amount of Bitcoin will keep you safe from mosquitos.
Your island will ideally be uninhabited, meaning you’ll be responsible for developing infrastructure. You will need shelter, plumbing, electricity, and a dock or port with some form of transportation. Yachts are terrible purchases, but look into renting one long term. You’re on an island and nobody is going to repossess your yacht if you miss a payment.
You will need to work with contractors, architects, and legal professionals before you make your move. Infrastructure and legal fees are big hidden costs on top of your island purchase. There are tons of resources and options available for this online, and if all else fails don’t be afraid to rough it for a bit Robin Crusoe style.
The depth of the water around your island is very important. Oceanography is a surprisingly interesting scientific discipline, as has not yet fallen victim to STEM. Certain water levels will affect what kind of vessels can reach your island. Generally, larger vessels cannot go near islands with shallower water. Consider this if you have to import large amounts of building materials and supplies. Also, don’t build infrastructure where it is likely to flood. Know your tides and you should be safe.
Additionally, ensure you are aware of what fauna and flora are on your island. If your island has monkeys, find a different island. Certain species of snakes and sea critters are incredibly dangerous. There’s a species of sea snail in Australia that can kill just by looking at you. I’m a big fan of coconuts, but coconut palms only grow in a few parts of the world. More so, coconuts can kill you if they fall on your head. This isn’t a good way to go out. An island with a lot of animals and plants likely has a source of freshwater too, which is a big selling point.
The host country you buy your island from is crucial. Most foreign investment falls under three categories: free market, restricted market, and markets in which foreigners are not allowed to purchase. Islands in the tropics usually fall under the latter two, whereas islands owned by the United States and Canada fall under the former. You could find a cool island only to learn later on that filthy foreigners such as yourself aren’t allowed to buy.
Defending your island is also something to consider. Coastal artillery is always a solid option, but small arms can work too. This is really going to be up to the jurisdiction of the host country, however. Your island could get unwelcome visitors if it’s close to the mainland. The federales could also show up and you’re out of luck. Keep it legal and have a good relationship with your host and neighbors. Rent the island for a few months before you decide to buy. There is no rush because your Bitcoin holdings are only going up.
Lastly, there are different kinds of island titles. As an island buyer, know whether you’re getting a freehold (100% ownership) or a leasehold (somebody else owns the island and you’re allowed to use it). A freehold is the better purchase here, but will likely cost you a lot more Bitcoin.
When you have finished your due diligence, contact a trusted real estate broker and work with him to find a suitable island. Make sure your broker has a history buying and selling private islands. Consult applicable legal professionals and local governments. If you’re truly a madman, you can think about building your own island in international waters. Abandoned oil rigs can be retrofitted to accommodate you and your family. It’ll make things a lot more complicated, but at least you’ll be a free man.
Let me know in the comments how you plan to spend your massive Bitcoin holdings in 10 years and where you’d like to buy your own private island.